The Raw Review - 21st December 2009
21/12/2009
Hello and welcome the Live Raw Review.
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On with the show!
Quick Links
Opening Segment: Johnny Damon?
Match 1: Melina, Gail Kim & Kelly Kelly Vs. Maryse, Alicia Fox & Jillian Hall
Segment 2: Little People’s Court Part 1
Match 2: Legacy Vs. Kingston, Bourne & Henry
Segment 4: Little People’s Court Part 2
Match 3: John Cena Vs. Jack Swagger
Segment 5: ‘Dreaming’ of Christmas
Match 4: Carlito Vs. Chris Masters
Segment 7: Damon Meets The Boss
Main Event: The Miz Vs. Santinoclaus
The Raw Review
Opening Segment
Johnny Damon?
So it turns out real-life jobs make you really tired. I’m not really in the best frame of mind for bringing you the Raw Review tonight, but alas it’s almost Christmas, and I couldn’t let you guys down at the most festive time of the year could I?
Tonight’s guest host is yet another person I’ve never personally heard of.
I’ve worked out he’s a bit of a hot shot Baseball player, but that’s as much as I know.
The crowd are all over him as he makes his entrance (I assume it’s a State rivalry thing), and as he delivers his opening address.
He talks about the concept of a ‘Secret Santa’, who is apparently going to grant one lucky WWE Superstar a wish tonight.
A roaring noise hits the speakers and inexplicably a guy in a tiger suit jumps the railing, being chased by a woman swinging a golf club.
She chases him into the ring, narrowly missing him with the club, before chasing him up the ramp and to the back.
Just when I thought the WWE Writers couldn’t get any less creative, they throw in a really lame segment about Tiger Woods.
Damon seems genuinely shocked by what just happened, but then recovers to introduce the divas for the opening match.
Oh Joy.
Match 1
6 Diva Tag Team Match
Melina, Gail Kim & Kelly Kelly
Vs.
Maryse, Alicia Fox & Jillian Hall
Now for some reason, I’m not sure if it’s a problem with the WWE or an issue with Sky, but I can’t hear the commentary team at all.
I know they’re there, because I can see them sat in the background, but for some reason they aren’t coming through on the broadcast, and it’s surprising just how much you notice their absence when they aren’t chatting over the top of the action.
The highlight of this match was undoubtedly the Divas Christmas attires.
Kelly Kelly grabbed the pinfall over Maryse after an opportunistic Dropkick from Melina while the former Divas Champion had Kelly set up for a Slam.
Kelly rolled through and managed to hold onto the pin for the three count.
Melina, Gail Kim & Kelly Kelly win by Pinfall.
Segment 2
Little Peoples Court Part 1
In a pre-recorded segment DX are shown earlier in the day attending Little People’s Court in the empty arena.
Their summons informs them to head to the ring and once there HBK declares they must have to go underneath as that’s where the little ‘troll’ lives.
After some persuasion Triple H decides he’s right and the two slide under the apron.
Both men crawl through the pitch blackness, eventually deciding to use glow sticks to light their path (cue a cheap plug.)
Triple H eventually finds a light switch and it turns out that under the ring looks an awful lot like backstage.
They locate Little Peoples Court, which has a ‘little Judge Judy’, a ‘little Jury’ and even a little balding policeman with a ponytail, who The Game brands ‘little HBK’.
Hornswoggle enters and gives his opening address in grunts (which HBK understands.)
He then shows various clips of DX causing him emotional and physical distress, which actually acts as a refresher regarding the ‘rivalry’ between them.
The segment ends with a ‘more later’ type message, as DX look rather troubled at their predicament.
Match 2
Six Man Tag Team Match
Legacy
Vs.
Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne & Mark Henry
It looks like Mark Henry’s being used to fill gaps now.
A few weeks back he looked to be in line for a U.S Championship push, but now he’s resigned to making up the numbers in the Kingston/Orton rivalry.
It seems odd that the creative team would spend weeks putting Henry and M.V.P over as a credible tag team only to just disband their partnership without any real reason or explanation, but they haven’t done much together since Henry fell on and flattened Jillian Hall a while back.
So far we’ve had 2 matches and both have been 3 on 3’s. This one was undoubtedly better than the first, but as I said last week I think the individuals in this match could have put on a much better show in singles matches, at least in the case of Kingston and Orton.
As he so often does, Bourne had flashes of brilliance, almost grabbing the win with the AirBourne until DiBiase and Orton got involved, turning the match on its head in a split second.
Kingston ended the match with some of his trademark ‘Controlled Frenzy’, dumping Orton to the outside before knocking DiBiase to the canvas with the Trouble in Paradise to score the 3.
Kofi Kingston wins by Pinfall.
Segment 3
Sgt. Santa
Backstage The Bella’s, Eve and Santa are loitering around with the guest host when Carlito enters.
He makes a move on Eve, but Chris Masters steps in to put an end to it and the two end up pushing and shoving each other.
Santa (who actually turns out to be Sgt. Slaughter) suggests they fight 1 on 1 in the ring tonight and Damon decides this is a good idea, sanctioning the match for later on.
Segment 4
Little People’s Court 2
Brace yourself because we’re back in Little People’s court!
Triple H pleads DX’s case but puts his foot in it numerous times, calling them trolls and saying it was all a ‘little’ mistake.
HBK takes up the reigns but after dropping two clangers in the space of a sentence decides he’s not doing any better.
Next Hornswoggle plays Exhibit B; a video of Triple H Pedigreeing him.
Little Judge Judy instantly decides that the duo are guilty.
Shawn says if this is a big ploy to get Hornswoggle into DX then it isn’t going to work, as he’s going to have to do something very special to earn his entry.
All the members of the court begin to pelt DX with rubbish, prompting them to flee from under the ring and question what just happened.
Why are they doing this to DX?
Match 3
Singles Match
John Cena
Vs.
Jack Swagger
The premise of this match got me so excited I actually fell asleep during the commercial break before it, and to be honest I’m regretting waking up.
Cena vowed last week not to lose another match until god knows when. Swagger made a similar promise a while back, but unlike that one which bottomed out pretty quickly, Cena probably won’t lose again for a long while.
Knowing full well that Cena would win this one, and due to my eyes still being a little bleary from the impromptu 2 minute nap, I whizzed through this one.
Credit where credit is due, Swagger and Cena were given a long time to show what they can do and in truth it wasn’t a bad match.
I doubt it’ll be getting the Match of the Year WAFTA (WWEBlog Award For Theatrical Achievement), but it was pretty solid stuff.
Swagger showed a marked improvement for me and had he won I wouldn’t have been disappointed, but as expected Cena grabbed a hard fought victory with the STF.
John Cena wins by Submission.
Segment 5
‘Dreaming’ of Christmas
Backstage guest host Johnny Damon is hanging around with another ‘Secret Santa’ who is in fact The American Dream; Dusty Rhodes.
M.V.P comes in and says he has a dream, then explains that he wants to make 2010 the year of M.V.P, and he wants to start by taking on Sheamus tonight.
Dream says he knows a man that can make it happen, directing things wide to Damon who books the match.
Match 4
Singles Match
Carlito
Vs.
Chris Masters (w/Eve)
These are two guys that I tipped for the top when they débuted quite a while back, so it’s kind of disappointing to see them still languishing in the mid-card while someone like Sheamus leapfrogs them within the space of 6 months.
That being said, this match won’t have turned any heads as it was over almost before it had begun.
Carlito never got started and although he avoided defeat for a little while, he never looked like building any decent offence and eventually fell victim to the Masterlock.
After the match Eve pulled some Mistletoe from her boot and kissed Masters.
Chris Masters wins by Submission.
Segment 6
Merry ChristmIRS
Backstage The Bella’s have moved on and are now flanking the ‘Tiger’ from earlier in the night.
Next to them in the same room The Miz is complaining to yet another ‘Secret Santa’ that he didn’t give him what he wanted when he was 9.
The Miz says he can make up for it this year, asking for a huge list of items including a tour bus, a girlfriend and the WWE Championship.
The Secret Santa reveals himself as none other than IRS and says that The Miz owes back taxes for a car he won on the Kardashian show.
As they debate the fact the girl with the golf club enters and starts swinging at ‘Tiger’ again, chasing him out of the room.
IRS tells The Miz that as he’s the U.S Champ he’s in a new tax bracket, so he’d better fill his forms out properly.
The Miz and IRS leave, then just when I thought things couldn’t get any stranger Mae Young turned up and took advantage of the hanging mistletoe, kissing Johnny Damon.
Match 5
Singles Match
Sheamus
Vs.
M.V.P
This match should tell us a little bit about how the creative team plan on pushing Sheamus.
- If he loses then he’s potentially a weak champion.
- If he wins by cheating he’s the traditional heelish champion.
- If he wins convincingly then he’s the powerhouse heel champion (a la’ Brock Lesnar.)
Going out on a limb I’d say he’s probably going to be the second one, that is if Cena or someone doesn’t interfere and cause a disqualification.
Timbaland is in charge of Raw next week by the way, it makes a change to have someone world renowned in charge.
Sheamus kicks off this match in brutal fashion, taking control early but then losing it after taking to long to deliver a Shoulder Tackle in the corner.
However, moments later, just as M.V.P set up for ‘Ballin’, Sheamus sprung to his feet and hit a huge Pump Kick, followed by the Razors Edge to pick up the win.
It looks like I was wrong, he’s clearly in camp 3 judging by this match.
After the bell Cena made his way to the ring and demanded his WWE Championship re-match.
Sheamus looked like he was going to consider it, but then decided against it and headed up the ramp to the back.
Randy Orton wins by Count Out.
Segment 7
Damon Meets The Boss
Backstage tonight’s guest host is being pampered by a make-up artist after his attack at the hands of Mae Young when Mr. McMahon enters.
He asks if he’s going to do anything about the challenge Cena just issued and Damon books them in a title match next week on Raw.
Just as Vince turns to leave Johnny asks him if there is any truth to the rumour that Bret Hart might be returning.
Vince says that it’s Christmas and that’s kind of a ‘Bah Humbug’ question, refusing to answer and walking out of the office.
Main Event Match
Singles Match
The Miz
Vs.
Santinoclaus
Before the match Santinoclaus handed out presents to a few fans, sang a rendition of ‘Santinoclaus is coming to town’ and told Miz that he was on his naughty list.
As soon as the bell rang The Miz jumped all over Santino, who is wrestling this match in full Santa attire.
Santino built a little offence but The Miz ended things with a Skull Crushing Finale to continue his successful run a little closer to 2010.
After the bell Miz stamped on Santinoclaus’s sack (present sack that is) before punting it up the ramp, spilling broken presents everywhere.
The Miz wins by Pinfall.
Closing Segment
Santa Close
Backstage Josh Mathews asked one half of the former Tag Team Champions about tonight’s Christmas edition of Raw.
Show says that he’s sick of all these imposter Santa Clauses running around, so he’s going to head to the ring and call out the real Santa so he can grant him a wish.
Show says that if Santa doesn’t grant him his wish, he’s going to knock him out.
Once in the ring Show stays true to his word and a Santa emerges with The Bellas (they’re getting about tonight aren’t they.)
Santa calls Show a ‘large little boy’ and says that he’s not going to be able to have him on his knee, so Show puts out his and Santa takes a seat.
Show says he’s been a good boy so for Christmas he wants his best friend and tag partner Chris Jericho back on Raw.
Santa says that Jericho has been a really bad boy this year but if it’s what Show really wants then he’ll be back on Raw next week.
Hornswoggle appears clad in his DX gear and rips off Santa’s beard, revealing none other than… Chris Jericho.
Jericho chases him back under the ring but moments later a selection of ‘Little People’ emerge in DX gear and swarm him.
Jericho fights most of them off, leaving one straggler who Show scoops up and flattens in the centre of the ring with a Side Slam.
After depositing him on the outside Jeri-Show turn their attention to Hornswoggle, who shows no fear and begins to ‘tune up the band’, eventually delivering Sweet Chin Music to Jericho’s knee.
Show grabs him in a Chokeslam setup, but DX hit the ring just in time to save him.
After running Jeri-Show out of the ring Triple H suggests they squash him, but HBK shows some Christmas Spirit and says that the little guy is starting to grow on him.
The Game also admits that he doesn’t hate him as much as he used to and DX decide that he’s made a big enough statement and if he drops the lawsuit they’ll make him the DX mascott.
He accepts and the three of them pose as CGI snow begins to fall and the show goes off the air.
