The Raw Review – 21st September 2009
21/09/2009
Hello and welcome the all new Live Raw Review.
After getting some positive feedback we’ve decided to stick with the new layout for a little while longer.
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(By the way, the banners still are purely temporary)
On with the show!
Quick Links
Opening Segment: Cedric The Entertainer Arrives
Match 1: Triple H Vs. Cody Rhodes
Segment 2: Cedric’s Running The Show
Segment 3: The Miz Interviewed
Match 2: Evan Bourne Vs. The Miz
Segment 4: Orton and Cena Contract Signing
Match 3: Mickey James Vs. Beth Phoenix
Match 4: Kofi Kingston (c) Vs. Jack Swagger for the U.S Championship
Match 5: Cedric The Entertainer Vs. Chavo Guerrero
Segment 5: Cedric Meets Jeri-Show
Main Event: John Cena, Mark Henry & M.V.P Vs. Randy Orton & Jeri-Show
The Raw Review
Opening Segment
Cedric The Entertainer Arrives
A limo pulls into the back of the arena and Cedric emerges with The Bella Twins, a guy named Smooth, a guy named Jimmy Johnson, another guy who didn’t have a name, a coach, 3 football players, an old woman, a rabbi with a (clearly plastic) baby and finally a farmer with a goat.
If that’s the level of comedy we’re in for tonight I’m certainly in no fear of my sides splitting open with laughter.
Match 1
Singles Match
Triple H (w/Shawn Michaels)
Vs.
Cody Rhodes (w/Ted DiBiase)
Before the match DX did their usual ‘bit’ with some ‘Hell in a Cell’ promotion thrown in for good measure.
They pointed out that HBK won the very first Hell in a Cell match, that Triple H holds the record for most wins in Hell in a Cell Matches (5) and that Legacy have never ever competed inside Hell in a Cell.
They talked about how they completely destroyed Vince inside Hell in a Cell, and they actually liked him.
Triple H wrapped it up by saying the Legacy/DX feud will come to an end inside the Cell and implied that they would be coming out on top.
Rhodes came out of the blocks fighting here, beating the hell out of Triple H in the first minute or so of the match.
The Game is able to capitalise on a mistake, sending Rhodes into the ring post. He then slams him into that same ring post twice more before locking in a Crossface.
Rhodes gets to the ropes to break the hold, then slides to the outside where DiBiase joins him.
Triple H hit Rhodes with a baseball slide, sending him into DiBiase, who in turn got bumped into the guard rail as the show cut to commercials.
Back from commercials and unsurprisingly Rhodes has gained the upper hand during the break.
Rhodes continued to control things with submissions and impressive offence (a nice Moonsault being the high point of his assault) but Triple H was again able to turn things around by dumping Rhodes over the top rope as he spent just a little too long goading HBK.
Things broke down quickly at the conclusion of the match, with Legacy suckering Michaels in then hitting him with a 2 on 1.
Once HBK was dealt with Cody slid back into the ring where he looked like taking a Pedigree, until DiBiase slid in with a chair and drilled Triple H.
From there both members of Legacy hit The Game with their finishers, then wrapped the steel chair around his neck.
Just as Rhodes was planning on stamping it shut from the top rope HBK recovered and slid into the ring with a Sledgehammer, sending Legacy scurrying from the ring just in time.
Triple H wins by Disqualification.
Segment 2
Cedric’s Running the Show
I won’t lie, I don’t know much about this guy.
Sure I’ve seen him in a few things, but nothing I’ve ever particularly paid that much attention to. I don’t think the popularity he has in the U.S has quite made it across the pond yet.
Ced claims to be a real WWE fan (have any of the guest hosts claimed to be anything but so far?) then gets Orton’s name wrong, calling him ‘Thornton’ or something similar.
He talks about 2nd and 3rd generation superstars like Legacy, then (with evidence on the titan-tron) says The Big Show is the illegitimate child of Andre The Giant and King Kong Bundy, Mark Henry is related to the Kool Aid Guy and The Miz is a Jackass.
Santino then enters and keeps up his record of pestering guest hosts. He calls him ‘Fredric the Entertainment’ and claims to have seen all his movies, before plugging his new DVD which is more than likely the reason he’s here tonight.
Santino says he’s always wanted to try his hand at stand-up and Cedric says he can make that happen, introducing him as ‘The Milan Miracle’.
Santino cracks a lame joke then Ced saves it by interrupting and shouting ‘Beyonce had the greatest video of all time!’, nice.
Just as they are about to head backstage Chavo enters.
Cedric says here’s a man with real comedy value, purposefully losing to a Leprechaun week in/week out to get a laugh.
Santino informs Ced that he lost legitimately and the guest host begins to take shots at him until Chavo cuts him off.
Chavo says Hornswoggle wasn’t the problem, it was punk guest hosts like Ced who put him in situations that he couldn’t win and the whole concept of guest hosts is pathetic.
After a little more banter Chavo says the real reason he is out here is to challenge tonight’s guest host to a match.
Cedric refuses and says he’s already in a battle, plugging his new movie and saying he’s in a war with the star Kel Mitchell (that’s right Kel from Keenan and Kel) over what to call it, giving a website for people to visit (that as far as I can tell doesn’t exist.)
Santino accepts the match on Cedric’s behalf and tells the fans tonight we will see Fredric the Entertainment Vs. Chavo the Leprechaun Loser.
I quite like this guy actually, this bit was far funnier than the first segment.
Segment 3
The Miz Interviewed
Backstage Josh Mathews speaks to The Miz, who is still in possession of Kofi’s United States Championship.
Mathews asks him why he stole the title and The Miz said he just took something that is rightfully going to be his soon anyway.
Miz says furthermore the champion should be someone born and raised in the U.S, not someone that has just floated over on a raft with a Bob Marley CD.
At that point Kingston jumps The Miz from behind and takes his title belt back, leaving his rival down and out on the concrete.
Match 2
Singles Match
Evan Bourne
Vs.
The Miz
The Miz was completely ruthless in this match and dominated practically from start to finish, with Bourne only hitting the odd kick here and there, usually as a countering move that didn’t last too long.
The Miz looked fired up and as intense as I’ve ever seen him, picking up the win with the Skull Crushing Finale after avoiding the Shooting Star Press.
Bourne hit a Huricanrana just before getting pinned and it looked for a second like this match would file away nicely under the category of ‘Rey Mysterioesque underdog victory’, but The Miz was able to prevent that and picked up a very impressive win.
The Miz wins by Pinfall.
Segment 4
Orton and Cena Contract Signing
Backstage Rhodes and DiBiase are talking when Orton enters and asks to talk about them tonight.
He says that while he’d originally wanted them out there with him for the contract signing tonight, he can see that they are on the edge of finishing off DX so he’s giving them the rest of the night off.
After the commercials The King introduces both competitors and they make their way to the ring, before sitting across from each other at a table.
King says that because a lot of these contract signings end up in violent encounters there has been a no physicality clause imposed for tonight.
As King explains how Trish Stratus set up this re-match last week Cena almost falls out of his chair, it was so close to being a comedy moment of the year.
Orton signs the contract and tells The King to get out of the ring, which he does.
Randy then tells Cena that while he might think he has him all figured out and at his lowest point, he’s wrong. He claims to be more dangerous than he has ever been and states that he will do whatever it takes to get the belt back.
Orton says his experience in Hell in a Cell matches will be the difference maker and promises Cena that after the match he will never be the same.
Cena stands up, throws his cap into the audience and tenses up, before relaxing and saying he wasn’t really listening.
He says that the two most important words Orton could ever utter were said at Breaking Point, then shows a montage of him saying ‘I Quit’.
Cena says Orton has turned this into a joke by coming out and doing every single thing Cena predicted he would the week before.
He talked about how Orton has beaten him more than anyone else in the WWE, so he has no reason to fear him or anything he says.
Cena signs the contract and says that if Orton doesn’t win at Hell in a Cell in a Hell in a Cell (that PPV name might not have been the best choice looking back), he doesn’t get another shot at the title.
Cena wraps it up by saying Orton should be the one that’s scared because at Hell in a Cell he is going to destroy him.
Orton says he’d love nothing more than to reach over the table and RKO him though it, but he can’t. However, he has found a few individuals that will have no problem putting Cena through hell right now.
Jeri-Show make their way to the ring ready for competition, Orton exits the ring and stands on the announce table and Cena braces himself.
The Big Show dumps the table to the outside and the Tag Champs begin wearing Cena out until Mark Henry & M.V.P run in to make the save.
Cedric finally stamps his authority on the situation, booking a 6-Man Tag Team Match.
Glad to see that no physicality rule is being adhered to.
Match 3
Divas Match
Mickey James
Vs.
Beth Phoenix
Alicia Fox took a seat at ringside before this match began. She has to be the weakest #1 contender I’ve ever seen.
One minute she’s a fun loving dancer coming to the ring with DJ Gabriel (who has since been dumped back into FCW for training) the next she’s drafted to Raw and is being pushed as one of the top heel Divas.
I don’t recall her speaking more than a handful of words since making the jump.
To her credit she has turned in a few pretty good performances since moving over to Raw, but I’d much rather see Beth Phoenix or Maryse challenging for the title right now.
This match didn’t last long at all. As the action spilled to the outside James took too long focusing on Fox, allowing Beth Phoenix to drive her into the ring post, then roll her back in the ring and hit the Glam Slam for the 3 count.
After the bell Alicia got in the ring and hit Mickey with her Booker T Style Axe Kick before posing with the Divas Championship.
Mickey James was made to look really weak here and it’ll be interesting to see how she bounces back.
Beth Phoenix wins by Pinfall.
Match 4
United States Championship Match
Kofi Kingston (c)
Vs.
Jack Swagger
Another very short bout, not to mention a strange one.
After about a minute of action The Miz ran down to ringside and once again made off with the U.S Championship.
Swagger, who was in control of the match at the time, left the ring and chased him up the ramp, attacking The Miz and taking the title from him.
However, rather than returning to the ring Swagger threw the belt over his shoulder and left with it, getting counted out in the process.
Kofi Kingston retains the U.S Championship by Count Out.
Match 5
Singles Match
Cedric The Entertainer
Vs.
Chavo Guerrero
Special Guest Referee: Santino Marella
As with every Chavo match recently this one had a twist at the start with Santino being announced as the guest referee.
Cedric emerged in tights, a t-shirt, a cape and a fedora hat. Once in the ring he put on a luchadore mask and the match began.
Chavo took Ced’s hat early on and stomped on it, incensing tonight’s guest host who rolled to the outside and slid under the ring. Aah, so that’s what the mask was for.
A more toned Cedric then emerged from the other side of the ring and began to dominate Chavo, who continually tried his best to convince Santino that it wasn’t Cedric under the mask.
After splashing Chavo in the corner the huge version of Cedric disappeared under the ring and a smaller version emerged in the form of Hornswoggle.
He hit the Tadpole Splash then ducked under the ring, allowing the real Cedric to emerge and get the pinfall.
After the bell Cedric 1,2 and 3 celebrated in the ring.
Things just keep getting more confusing tonight.
Cedric The Entertainer wins by Pinfall.
Segment 5
Cedric Meets Jeri-Show
Cedric and Kelly Kelly are chatting backstage when Chris Jericho approaches him and says that they need to talk.
Ced says that he’s talking to Kelly at the minute and Jericho needs a breath mint.
After turning back and talking to Kelly, a large hand appears on his shoulder and as he turns around The Big Show faces him and tells him they need to talk, to which he instantly agrees.
Segment 6
Bye Bye Lillian
The King informs everyone that it is Lillian Garcia’s last night in the WWE, thanking her for her 10+ years with the company.
She fights back the tears and says she’s loved every second of it; travelling around the world, working with the WWE Superstars, singing the National Anthem every week and entertaining the fans.
She says that her heart will always be with the WWE and the crowd begin a ‘Thank You Lillian’ chant as she leaves the ring.
She has indeed been a great addition to the WWE for the past 10 years, but you could tell her heart wasn’t in it recently and that led to a number of mistakes.
On behalf of everyone here at WWEBlog.co.uk: ‘Good Luck Lillian!’
Main Event Match
Six Man Tag Team Match
John Cena, Mark Henry & M.V.P
Vs.
Randy Orton & Jeri-Show
Before the match Jeri-Show tells Orton that they have been to see Cedric and had some special stipulations placed upon the match;
If Team Cena wins then Orton has to face them in a 3 on 1 gauntlet match next week.
If Team Orton wins then Cena has to face them in a 3 on 1 gauntlet match next week.
Team Orton controlled the match in the early stages, using every heelish move in the book to maintain dominance over John Cena, isolating the WWE Champion in their corner.
Cena was finally able to tag in M.V.P who immediately took out Chris Jericho and hit him with ‘Ballin for a long 2 count.
Orton cleverly distracted the referee while The Big Show hit M.V.P with a sneak attack and then got the tag, continuing their dominance of the bout.
Once Show had sufficiently worn M.V.P down he tagged in Orton who inflicted more damage with a Sleeper before tagging Jericho.
M.V.P was able to dodge Jericho’s attack and began to crawl to his corner, but Orton got the tag before him and quickly closed down the ring to continue the assault.
Orton then inadvertently pushed M.V.P into Mark Henry, who promptly entered the ring and looked to take it to the former champion.
Things quickly broke down and while Cena focused on dumping The Big Show out of the ring Jericho hit Henry with a Chop Block just as he was setting Orton up for the Worlds Strongest Slam.
From here Orton hit Henry with the RKO and covered for the victory, while Jericho prevented Cena from breaking up the count.
Cena will face Jericho, The Big Show and Randy Orton next week on Raw when Rev. Al Sharpton will be the guest host.
I wonder what he’ll be plugging…
Randy Orton & Jeri-Show win by Pinfall.
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