The Raw Review – 18th January 2010
18/01/2010
Hello and welcome the Raw Review.
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On with the show!
Quick Links
Opening Segment: Full of Flavour
Match 1: Sheamus Vs. Evan Bourne
Match 2: Jack Swagger Vs. Mark Henry
Match 3: Cena & Kingston Vs. Legacy
Segment 5: Maryse & Alicia Fox Vs. Gail Kim & Eve
Segment 7: McMahon Family Values
Match 5: Randy Orton Vs. Chris Masters
Main Event: DX & Hornswoggle Vs. The Big Show, The Miz & The Flame
The Raw Review
Opening Segment
Plenty of Flavour
Given how distinctly average tonight’s movie-plugging guest hosts are, it’s a refreshing change to have Mr. McMahon kick off the show tonight.
He swaggers his way to the ring while clips of his altercation with Bret Hart from a few weeks ago is repeated for the benefit of the fans watching at home.
Vince talks about how he has to make tough decisions on a day to day basis, such as bringing Raw to the god forsaken University of Tennessee, but more poignantly his decision first to bring Bret back to the WWE and then subsequently kick him in the guts and announce that he’ll never appear on WWE programming again.
Vince says he did it for the fans, because they want to remember him ‘the way he was’, as the Excellence of Execution, rather than how he is now; a broken down old warhorse who needs putting down.
He says that it’s just like chewing gum, you spit it out when it’s lost it’s flavour and that’s exactly what he did with Bret, who would have been a disease that slowly ate its way through the WWE.
After some loud booing Vince explains that he didn’t make the decision to cut Bret, the fans did, with their constant ‘better, faster, stronger’ mentality to the business.
Just as the Boss looked to blame the fans some more a familiar gong sounded, the lights dropped and The Undertaker slowly began to make his way to the ring.
Vince rather humbly tells The Deadman that he hadn’t quite finished what he had to say and this was his time on his show, but Taker cut him off and said that it’s his time now.
Taker says that he originally came out to the ring to address Shawn Michaels but while he’s here he may as well tell Vince something that his ego won’t let him admit.
He explains how he saw the whole thing back in Montreal in 97 and how he saw the same fear in Vince’s eyes now and back then.
He claims the boss screwed Bret not once, but twice, and is now terrified of the consequences, as he should be because what he did was the act of a coward.
Vince says he disagrees with this view, then makes a hasty exit from the ring, leaving Taker to move onto HBK.
Segment 2
Taker Answers HBK
After Vince’s rather unceremonious exit The Deadman goes on to talk about his match with HBK at WrestleMania last year.
He explains how HBK couldn’t get the job done then and has since been acting rather cowardly in his attempts to get a re-match.
Taker says he has an answer for Shawn, but would like to deliver it face to face.
HBK makes his way to the ring and after the chanting dies down, tells Taker that he’s anxiously awaiting his answer.
Taker says a re-match would only end in more disappointment for The Heartbreak Kid and as he has nothing more to prove against him, the answer is no.
However…. he WILL give him that chance… tonight!
The crowd erupt into a rapturous ‘HBK’ chant, but The Showstopper dashes their dreams by rejecting the offer, saying he wants to win on the grandest stage of them all.
HBK says that his only option now will be to win the Rumble and face Taker for the title at WrestleMania, so he’d better hold onto the gold.
Taker assures him that he will still have the belt so it’s all in Shawn’s hands now.
Match 1
Singles Match
Sheamus
Vs.
Evan Bourne
Bourne didn’t even get a proper televised entrance for this one, so I think we can probably guess which way it’s going to go.
Orton made his way out onto the entrance ramp as the bell rang and slowly slithered his way down to the ring, distracting Sheamus long enough for Bourne to take advantage and grab a long 2 count.
Unfortunately for the high flyer this seemed to fire up the current WWE Champion, who dispatched him with a Pump Kick and a Razor’s Edge immediately afterwards.
Interestingly King referred to the Razors Edge as the ‘Celtic Cross’. It makes sense as it’s a Crucifix Powerbomb, but I don’t know how pleased Finlay will be about it.
After the bell Orton made his way into the ring.
After a short stare-down Sheamus grabbed his WWE Championship and held it up in-front of the Viper, before heading up the ramp.
Sheamus wins by Pinfall.
Segment 3
DX & Don Johnson
Backstage Shawn catches up with his tag team partner Triple H.
Triple H begins to talk to HBK about his altercation with The Undertaker, but one half of tonight’s guest hosts, Don Johnson interrupts.
Don asks if they’ve seen his ‘other half’ for tonight Jon Heder.
They tell him that they haven’t and Shawn asks Triple H what he was about to say, but The Game tells him it can wait.
Shawn leaves and Triple H tells Don Johnson not to worry whether Heder turns up or not because he’s kind of an idiot and the show would probably turn out better if he isn’t involved in the hosting anyway.
Don talks about a previous altercation between Triple H and Heder (which I can find no information about anywhere. I assume all will become clear later in the show, but if not and you know what this is about get in touch.) and The Game says Johnson is more of a professional because he turned up on time.
Triple H leaves and Johnson thinks he’s spotted Heder, but it turns out to be Carlito dressed as Napoleon Dynamite, a film he then claims he’s never seen.
I don’t get it….
Match 2
The All American American Challenge
Jack Swagger
Vs.
Mark Henry
Swagger made his way to the ring and began moaning about how Santino fluked a win against him in last week’s ‘All American American American American Challenge’ (which has thankfully been shortened the ‘All American American Challenge’ this week) and how he wants a re-match tonight to prove it.
Santino makes his way out dressed as Don Johnson and says that he can’t participate because he’s busy being the head of the Italian Don Johnson Fan Club, but he’s found a suitable replacement… Mark Henry.
As I’m sure you can guess what happened I’d like to use this time to let everyone know about the People’s Choice Award!… Again.
The voting in the WWEBlog Awards For Theatrical Achievement (W.A.F.T.A’s) is well under-way amongst the WWEBlog staff and a select few guest judges, but we’re giving you all the chance to get involved too!
Simply click the banner below and it’ll take you to the People’s Choice Voting Page, where you can cast your vote for the Superstar/team you feel most deserving of an award for their work throughout 2009.
The poll closes on the 1st February so don’t delay in getting your vote in!
The People’s Choice Award 2009
Mark Henry wins by Elimination.
Segment 4
Guest Hosts Time
After the previous ‘match’ a limo was shown arriving at the arena.
The Bella’s climbed out first, so I’m sure you can guess who followed.
Once out of the limo Heder told someone inside the limo to stay put until he tells him/her something different.
After some commercials Heder and Johnson made their way to the ring with The Bellas.
Once there they did a kind of good cop/idiot cop thing for a bit where Johnson tried to book DX in the main event while Heder upset the crowd and brought out his ‘close friend’ The Miz.
The Miz says it’s nice to have ‘real’ celebrities in charge of Raw for a change and thanked Heder for entering him into The Rumble.
Miz mentioned something about Triple H thinking Johnson should host the show on his own then used the situation to take a cheap shot at M.V.P.
M.V.P appeared on the stage and threw some insults back before announcing that he’s officially in the Rumble, and if he does anything that night it’ll be to dump The Miz out of the Rumble.
He then decides he doesn’t need to wait till the Rumble and says he’ll beat The Miz AND his pal Heder down right now.
As M.V.P approaches the ring The Big Show appears and drops him.
Heder explains that he and Show have the same agent so he persuaded him to be an ‘insurance policy’ just in case anything turned sour.
Heder then decided that DX shouldn’t be allowed to ‘party’ every week, and booked them in a match against ‘the brand new team’ of The Miz & The Big Show.
Johnson said he didn’t want any part of this and sort of just hung around in the ring like a lost child.
Probably one of the worst guest host bits I’ve seen in a long time, but at least they didn’t directly plug anything.
Match 3
Tag Team Match
John Cena & Kofi Kingston
Vs.
Legacy
At the start of the match Michael Cole confirmed that Cena would be one of the 30 men in the Royal Rumble, like there was ever any doubt that The Golden Boy wouldn’t be in it now he’s not in the WWE Championship match.
During the entrances a clip of last week’s Triple Threat #1 Contendership Match played and The King rather bizarrely called Randy Orton ‘Randy Savage’.
Something on his mind perhaps? We’ll get The Informant to look into it!
Anyway, this wasn’t a bad match and if it wasn’t for the supposed tension between DX and Jon Heder, I could have easily seen this main eventing the show.
The action didn’t seem to be as one sided as it often is in these kind of tag matches, but Legacy did manage to isolate Kingston for a good period of time before he finally made the hot tag to Cena.
Cena flew into his 5-Knuckle Shuffle routine but couldn’t land the Attitude Adjustment right away and this allowed DiBiase to break up the pinfall when he finally did.
Moments later Kingston made a quick tag and picked up the pinfall with a Top Rope Cross-body while Cena dealt with DiBiase, who seemed to abandon his partner moments before.
After the bell Cody shrugged off DiBiase’s attempts to help him up, and left up the ramp alone.
John Cena & Kofi Kingston win by Pinfall.
Segment 5
Heder’s Team Talk
Backstage one half of tonight’s guest host’s Jon Heder attempts to rally his two ‘friends’ for their match against DX tonight.
As they talk a ladder appears and Hornswoggle climbs to the top.
Hornswoggle shouts jibberish at Heder until Triple H appears and ‘translates’, explaining that he said he doesn’t like him, just like everyone else in the world.
Hornswoggle challenges Heder and the upshot of the whole segment is that tonight’s tag team match is now a 3 on 3.
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Match 4
Divas Tag Team Match
Maryse & Alicia Fox
Vs.
Gail Kim & Eve
I assume this is an attempt to raise interest in the Divas Championship Tournament currently in progress.
It didn’t work, at least not with me anyway.
Maryse did a good job as usual and the way in which Eve picked up the win looked pretty interesting.
She set up Alicia Fox in a kind of Arm Bar in the corner, then flipped over and landed on the mat, making her tap out in the process.
Gail Kim & Eve win by Submission.
Segment 6
The Flame is Born
Back in the G.M’s office Don Johnson looks to be working his magic on Kelly Kelly when Jon Heder appears breathing into a paper bag.
He tries to persuade Johnson to take his place before The Miz and The Big Show enter and try to calm Heder down.
Show says they’ll be fine because he’s already clicking with his new partner way better than he did with his old one.
Johnson tries to persuade Heder to pull out of the match but his pleas fall on deaf ears as Heder’s partners reveal a custom made costume monogrammed with ‘The Flame’.
Segment 7
McMahon Family Values
Elsewhere backstage Triple H and Vince are talking about The Undertaker.
Vince moans about how Taker treated him and says he might have to call him out next week.
Triple H tells him he should probably focus on the Bret situation first, then asks why the whole McMahon family always have to have the last word on everything.
Triple H says that if Vince had just let Bret have his moment a few weeks ago, he’d have walked off into the sunset and they’d probably never have heard from him again, but now he’s backed himself into a corner.
He explains to Vince that if he brings Bret back again he’s made him an even bigger star, but if he doesn’t bring him back, then the whole world will think that he’s a coward.
Vince leaves and Shawn arrives.
Shawn asks what Triple H had to say earlier but just as he starts to tell him Hornswoggle turns up with his ladder.
Triple H says it’s kind of serious so they’ll talk about it later, before the three of them head off to prepare for their match tonight.
Match 5
Singles Match
Randy Orton
Vs.
Chris Masters (w/Eve)
It looks like Chris Masters has gone from mid-card Heel to jobbing face.
At least it did, until Sheamus made his way out to ringside moments after the bell rang.
Orton controlled the match for a while until he went for the RKO, which Masters expertly reversed into a Masterlock.
Orton fought with everything he had, barely making it to the ropes before passing out.
Seconds later The Viper struck with an RKO, picking up the win.
After the bell Sheamus hit the ring and drilled Orton with a Pump Kick, leaving him out cold on the mat.
Randy Orton wins by Pinfall.
Main Event Match
6 Man Tag Team Match
DX & Hornswoggle (w/Don Johnson)
Vs.
The Big Show, The Miz & Jon ‘The Flame’ Heder
Anyone who likes Psych will be glad to hear that James Rodayand Dule Hill are guest hosting next week’s show.
Anyone who doesn’t follow the show probably won’t care, like me.
Man I wish HBK had accepted that 1 on 1 match against The Undertaker, then I wouldn’t be watching this main event.
This match was pretty run of the mill until Hornswoggle tagged himself in and delivered a picture perfect Dropkick to The Miz’s head (he WAS on the mat at the time though.)
Miz turned things round pretty quickly and tagged in Heder, who The King described as ‘Paler than Sheamus’.
He bullied Hornswoggle for a little while until the little guy managed to dodge him and bring Triple H into the action.
The Game took it to Heder, until The Big Show interjected himself and attempted a Chokeslam.
HBK hit him with a Sweet Chin Music before he could do so, leading to all 500lbs of the giant falling on top of Heder.
HBK hit The Miz with a Sweet Chin too while Hornswoggle landed a Tadpole Splash and covered the prone Guest Host for the win.
After the bell Triple H grabbed a microphone and decided this was the best opportunity to say what he’s been trying to say all night.
Triple H began to tell Shawn that going after the title isn’t going to work, but Cena’s music cut him off before he could finish.
Once in the ring Cena says that as this is a night for major announcements he’s come to explain that he will compete in this year’s rumble… erm didn’t we already get told that?
He gives it the usual ‘I’m going to win’ treatment before The Big Show clambers back into the ring and announces that he’s in The Rumble too and is planning on winning.
He takes out DX before Cena dumps him out of the ring.
DX then throw Cena over the top rope, but as they celebrate Triple H throws his own partner over the top rope and announces that he’s in the Rumble too and guess what… he’s planning on winning it.
DX & Hornswoggle win by Pinfall.
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