The Raw Review – 2nd November 2009
02/11/2009
Hello and welcome the all new Live Raw Review.
After getting some positive feedback we’ve decided to stick with the new layout for a little while longer.
We’d still love to know what you think about the changes so please feel free to get in touch via the Contact Us page, or any of the usual email addresses.
On with the show!
Quick Links
Opening Segment: Mr & Mrs. Darkness
Match 1: The Miz Vs. Evan Bourne
Segment 2: Sheamus Interviewed
Match 2: Sheamus Vs. Jamie Noble
Segment 3: Kofi Kingston Interviewed
Match 3: Kofi Kingston Vs. Randy Orton
Segment 5: Jericho Meets The Osbournes
Main Event: Cena Vs. Jericho Vs. The Big Show
The Raw Review
Opening Segment
Mr & Mrs. Darkness
The show kicks off with The Osbournes in the ring.
Ozzy is perched in some kind of throne with Sharon stood beside him.
Ozzy welcomes everyone to Raw as only he can, then passes control over to Sharon who shows clips of Ozzy at WrestleMania 2 and performing on Smackdown.
She asks him if he remembers it and he confirms that he doesn’t.
Just as Sharon moves on to tonight The Miz interrupts, swaggering down to the ring with his United States championship draped over his shoulder.
The Miz asks if they are having a good time, because he plans on having a good time tonight and is a bigger star than Ozzy and his whole family combined.
After a little back and forth The Miz begins to talk about how he lost to Evan Bourne last week due to foul play, then requests that the Osbournes have the referee overturn the decision and strike it from the record books.
Ozzy asks The Miz who he is and he begins to tell him, until Legacy’s music fires up.
Rhodes and DiBiase enter the ring and claim that The Miz’s claims are petty compared to what Kofi Kingston did to the ‘gift’ they gave to Randy Orton.
They demand a handicap match against Kofi Kingston and The Miz says that they need to wait their turn.
Sharon seems to be attempting to coin the catchphrase ‘Really?’, she’s said it about 100 times already.
Anyway, The Big Show is next to enter the fray.
He tells the Osbournes not to listen to the whiners and complainers, then proceeds to whine and complain about being attacked by the entire Raw roster last week.
He demands an apology and Ozzy says he’s sorry.
Show clarifies that what he actually wanted was the whole Raw roster to come down to the ring and apologise to him, otherwise they will be getting a taste of his right fist.
Ozzy screams Sharon’s name as Show’s fist comes close to his face, then DX’s music begins to play and they enter, crowding the ring even further.
Triple H apologises for interfering but as 4 ratings killers have already pretty much ruined segment 1, they thought they’d better come out and make the save.
DX plug Ozzy’s new book as well as their own, then drop a few hints to tonight’s guest hosts about what he should to tonight, namely booking:
The Miz Vs. Evan Braun (another match that should have been reserved for SummerFest, but what are you gonna do?) for the U.S Championship
Kobi Kingston (seriously, I think they might be doing this on purpose now) Vs. Randy Orton
and
a Triple Threat match between Cena, Jericho and Show.
Ozzy and Sharon might be pretty awful, but at least they were entertaining with it, unlike those two planks of wood from last week.
Match 1
United States Championship Match
The Miz (c)
Vs.
Evan Bourne
The Osbournes apparently told The Miz his match was up next during the commercials, sounds like they might have just forgotten to do it while they were in the ring.
Nice match to start off Raw here, although I highly doubt Bourne will be picking up the gold here, short of some kind of rule breaking behind the scenes by The Miz.
Speaking of issues behind the scenes, why not check out last week’s edition of The Weekly Informer!
Once again our Informant delivered a slew of backstage rumours and breaking wrestling news, which he will no doubt do again tomorrow, so keep checking back for that!
I’m not sure whether the crowd were being ironic, or if they’d had a few too many to drink, but a ‘This is awesome’ chant seemed to spring up about a minute into the bout.
Now this did develop into a pretty good but quite short match, it certainly couldn’t be classed as ‘awesome’ after little more than a minute.
As expected The Miz retained the U.S Championship, although it was a very close call.
Evan Bourne looked to be heading for a win as he set up for Air Bourne, but The Miz had enough to roll out of the way and landed the Skull Crushing Symphony seconds later to pick up the pinfall.
The Miz retains the United States Championship by Pinfall.
Segment 2
Sheamus Interviewed
Backstage Josh Mathews speaks to Sheamus about his match tonight with Jamie Noble, asking if he is planning on doing anything to impress tonight’s guest hosts.
Sheamus says that as far as he is concerned, Ozzy’s career should have been over a long time ago, and after tonight’s match, Jamie Noble’s career WILL be over.
Match 2
Singles Match
Sheamus
Vs.
Jamie Noble
Jamie Noble looks like he’s heading for a 2nd straight week being squashed by The Celtic Warrior.
The poor kid doesn’t even get an entrance any more, at least not a televised one anyway.
It’s a real shame too, because he’s a real talent both in and out of the ring.
Sheamus destroyed noble to the point that the referee had to stop the match, however that didn’t stop Sheamus from carrying on his decimation.
After knocking Noble from the top rope to the outside Sheamus hit a Powerbomb on the mats, leaving Noble twisted up and making a ridiculous ‘euuuhhh, euuuhhh’ noise as a stretcher was wheeled to ringside to take him away.
Sheamus wins by TKO.
Segment 3
Kofi Kingston Interviewed
Backstage Josh Mathews asked Kofi about his situation with Randy Orton.
Kingston branded Orton a bully then said he refused to be pushed around, so destroyed his car to make a statement.
Kofi says that while he might have destroyed most of the car, he purposefully left the mirrors so that Orton could take a look in one and and realise why he is no longer WWE Champion.
Match 3
Singles Match
Kofi Kingston
Vs.
Randy Orton
After less than 2 minutes of this match, which Kofi seemed to dominate, Legacy hit the ringside area.
Kofi initially took care of all three of them, but as they paced around the ring things began to look bleak for the Ghanaian Sensation.
Just as Legacy looked to pounce Ozzy and Sharon appeared on the titan tron and made it a 6 man tag match, with M.V.P & Mark Henry partnering Kofi.
Match 3 . 1
6 Man Tag Team Match
Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry & M.V.P
Vs.
Legacy
As the show returns from commercials the new match is well underway, with Kofi Kingston still firmly in control.
After making the tag Kofi and M.V.P hit a Ballin’ Boom Drop before unleashing the World’s Strongest Man, who single handedly takes out both members of Priceless after they attempted the double team.
Legacy regain control of the match and begin to wear M.V.P down, playing the whole isolation card in order to keep Kofi and Henry on the apron.
After falling victim to a number of near falls M.V.P finally got the hot-tag to Mark Henry, who again entered the ring and took out everyone in his path.
After a distraction from Orton (dealt with by Kofi Kingston) Cody Rhodes attempted a Cross Body from the top rope, only to be caught and drilled with the Worlds Strongest Slam which picked up a 3 count for the good guys.
Apparently The Osbournes are going to host a ‘Britain’s/America’s Got Talent type show after the commercials, or so King tells us anyway.
Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry & M.V.P win by Pinfall.
Segment 4
Raw’s Got Talent
What a treat!
Before this segment officially starts I’d like to put money on the fact that Jillian Hall and Santino Marella will be involved in some way or another.
The King is on compare duty for this segment and tells us we’re in for ‘something’, in a rather ominous tone.
Firstly he introduces the 3rd judge for tonight’s contest; The Great Khali.
Khali makes his way to the ring in a suit, accompanied as always by Runjin Singh.
Once sat in his chair Khali tells the Osbournes that he has a huge crush on Kelly, and Sharon says they would love to have him as a son in law.
First up, well here’s a surprise, Santino Marella. The King claims he is going to sing Bark at the Moon, but when he emerges he says that he won’t because he isn’t a dog.
Instead he bites the head off a bat…man toy, and swiftly gets boo’ed and buzzed off stage.
Next up is Chris Masters, who is apparently going to do something interpretive to Ozzy’s Crazy train.
Masters then proceeds to make his pecs dance in time with the music and Sharon declares that she loves it, although The King buzzes him off.
Ozzy then suggests that he gets a bra and Khali admits that he found it mesmerising.
Last but not least Chavo Guerrero and Jillian Hall emerge to sing a duet.
Jillian tells them that she is a massive fan and when she heard Chavo was going to sing an Ozzy song she insisted they do a duet.
They sing Close My Eyes Forever and after buzzing them off Ozzy says he plans on changing the name of the song to Close my Ears Forever.
Jillian verbally attacks both guest hosts then for some reason begins singing Britney Spears, until Sharon slaps her down.
Chavo tells Ozzy that he needs to control his wife but he says that he can’t.
Chavo begins to shout abuse at Sharon until Khali steps in and delivers a big chop.
Just when things couldn’t get any stranger, Hornswoggle emerges dressed as Jack Osbourne and delivers a Tadpole Splash to his long time rival.
Match 4
Divas Battle Royal Match
Participants:
Brie Bella
Nikki Bella
Alicia Fox
Kelly Kelly
Gail Kim
Eve
Next week’s guest host will be none other than England’s own Ricky Hatton!
Next week’s Raw is live from Sheffield, England which is literally 15 minutes from WWEBlog Towers.
However we’ve not had enough donations to send any of our staff to the event, so it’ll be coverage as usual next week.
I’ve seen quite a few interviews and such with Ricky Hatton and I get the feeling he can’t act for toffee, but I guess we’ll see.
Order of Elimination:
- Gail Kim eliminated by Kelly Kelly/Brie Bella.
- Brie Bella eliminated by Eve.
- Nikki Bella eliminated by Eve.
- Eve eliminated by Alicia Fox.
- Kelly Kelly eliminated by Alicia Fox.
Jack Swagger appeared half way through this match and seemed to have his eye on Eve, although he inadvertently caused a distraction which led to her being eliminated.
Gail Kim’s elimination looked like it might have come a little early, and at least two of the Diva’s went through the ropes rather than over the top, but I guess that could be some sort of Divas Battle Royal rule.
Anyway, the long and short of it is we’re set for a Melina Vs. Alicia Fox title match at some point in the future. I bet you can’t wait can you?
Alicia Fox becomes #1 contender for the Divas Championship.
Segment 5
Jericho Meets The Osbournes
Jericho barges into Ozzy and Sharon’s office and trots out his usual speech about guest hosts disrespecting him, the greatest Superstar of all time.
Jericho talks about how much of an Ozzy fan he was growing up, but has since realised that he doesn’t need to pander to the fans.
He warns them not to disrespect him again, then walks out, leaving Ozzy and Sharon to talk about how crazy their night has been.
Segment 6
Legal Battles
Elsewhere backstage DX have captured Hornswoggle and have him hanging on a hook against some cargo boxes.
They try to explain to him that he isn’t allowed to infringe on their copyrights, but don’t get very far before Cena enters and unhooks him.
Triple H asks Cena if he knows how long it took them to hang him up there and Cena tells them that they should never hang a leprechaun up on a wall.
Cena says that Hornswoggle understands a lot more than he lets on, and he’s the reason that the three of them have to face off in a Triple Threat at Survivor Series.
Triple H says he isn’t sweating the match at SS, because he beat Cena a few weeks ago.
HBK reminds everyone that next week’s Raw is from England, then asks Cena if he remembers England as it’s where he beat him last.
Cena shouts about how they ‘all beat each other all the time’, before the camera’s cut to The Bella’s, who look rather shocked at what they just heard.
Shawn points out that DX have a statistical advantage and Cena says that in a Triple Threat anything can happen, so at Survivor Series he won’t have 2 words for them, he’ll have 4: The Champ Is Here.
Cena leaves and HBK fumes about people always stealing their bit.
Main Event Match
Triple Threat Match
John Cena
Vs.
Chris Jericho
Vs.
The Big Show
DX join the commentary team for this match and it doesn’t take long for the comedy to ensue, as Triple H stands on some cables and drags his headset off.
As The Big Show makes his way to the ring Michael Cole begins to talk about the World Heavyweight Championship match scheduled for Survivor Series, until Triple H tells him to shut up as the production team are clearly counting them down for commercials on the headsets.
When the action returns from commercials HBK attempts to deliver the ‘reset’, which he explains is the bit after the breaks where the commentary team relay what’s been going on.
As he begins to struggle, Triple H helps out by shouting ‘Vintage DX’ over and over.
Meanwhile in the ring Jeri-Show continue to function as a team and beat down Cena.
Cena briefly mounts some offence until Show hits a huge Spear which Jericho follows up with a Lionsault.
The teamwork finally comes to an end as Jericho goes for the cover and Show abruptly breaks it up, then after some provocation dumps his partner from the ring.
Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment on Show, but his knees buckle and the full weight of the giant comes down on the back of his neck.
Cena manages to send Show to the outside, then focuses on Jericho, setting him up for the Attitude Adjustment.
Just as Cena looks to deliver his finishing manoeuvre Show clambers back onto the apron and delivers the Knockout Punch, allowing Jericho to cover and get the pinfall.
Show doesn’t seem to bothered by this any more and they lock on the Walls of Jericho/Colossal Clutch after the bell, prompting DX to leave the announce position in an attempt to make the save.
However, the rescue attempt doesn’t go to plan and after a Knockout Punch and a CodeBreaker, DX are left looking up at the lights while Jeri-Show head up the ramp and pose as the show goes off the air.
Chris Jericho wins by Pinfall.
< Previous Show | Next Show >If you’ve loved what you read here why not consider helping us out?
Donate to WWEBlog.co.uk
and help keep us Alive!
