The Raw Review – 1st March 2010
01/03/2010
Hello and welcome the Raw Review.
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On with the show!
Quick Links
Opening Segment: Career Vs. Streak
Match 1: Randy Orton Vs. Ted DiBiase
Match 2: Jack Swagger Vs. Santino
Segment 4: Cena Confronts The Animal
Match 4: Divas Pyjama Pillow Fight
Segment 6: Bret’s Farewell Address
Main Event Match: ShowMiz Vs. DX
The Raw Review
Opening Segment
Career Vs. Streak
HBK kicks off tonight’s Raw, and gets a rather surprising pop considering he was solely responsible for taking the gold from everybody’s favourite; The Undertaker.
He says that there is a buzz around the locker room and that people now refuse to look him in the eye, because none of them believe he can defeat Taker at WrestleMania XXVI.
He concedes that Taker’s Streak is immense, but says that no one has given him a run for his money like The Heartbreak Kid, and everyone knows that he is ‘Mr. WrestleMania’.
Shawn issues an open challenge for ANYONE in the back who doesn’t believe he can win at Mania, to come to the ring and tell him face to face.
After a long pause Triple H’s music hits (it sounded odd, I guess I was just used to the DX theme) and The Game makes his way to the ring, with a serious look on his face.
Once there Shawn questions why his best friend of 15 years doesn’t believe in him, but The Game cuts him off and says that he doesn’t think he can beat Taker at Mania… he knows he can.
Trips tells HBK that he’s faced everyone in the WWE and he is undoubtedly the best he has ever come up against. He tells him not to worry about the people in the back, because they aren’t his peers, because he’s a class above.
He says that for some reason WrestleMania always seems to set them on different paths, and although DX will never die, it’s unlikely that they will be in the same ring for a very long time after Mania, and he’d hate the last image of DX to be them just having lost the tag titles to ShowMiz, so tonight he’s invoked their rematch clause.
Shawn seems unwilling to wrestle for the titles, as they are on separate paths, but The Game explains that titles don’t have to be defended for 30 days, which means that the night after Mania they can have a huge party on Raw to celebrate the end of the streak and defend them then.
He tells Shawn that he believes in him and fully expects him to make it to that Raw, finally bringing HBK around to the idea.
Segment 2
Cheech and Chong
Tonight’s guest hosts are just settling into their office backstage when The Bellas decide to pester them.
They ask if they can accompany them on their upcoming tour, then take the little bald one off somewhere, I’m not sure where I wasn’t paying attention.
The other guy then meets Hornswoggle, who hands him a box of Hornswoggle endorsed Lucky Charms. He eats some and begins to trip out.
As you can probably tell I don’t know much about Cheech and Chong, and I can’t say as I really want to.
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Match 1
Singles Match
Randy Orton
Vs.
Ted DiBiase
Wow, I didn’t expect to see this tonight.
We had a hunch here at WWEBlog that this match would make it’s way onto the WrestleMania card, and I guess it still might, but it seems very strange that it’d happen on Raw as well in the same month.
DiBiase started strongly, getting the better of his mentor (or perhaps former mentor now) until The Viper eventually showed his true skills, slamming Ted into the ring post to take control.
After the commercials DiBiase had managed to regain the upper hand but Orton once again showed the wherewithal to turn things in his favour once again.
However, just as Orton set up for the RKO Cody Rhodes hit the ringside area.
Orton went for him and got rolled up by DiBiase, but managed to reverse it into a roll up of his own. As the referee hit 2 Rhodes dived into the ring and a brawl ensued.
Priceless (as they were once known, and will now be known again, by me at least) beat down their former leader for a while but Orton somehow managed to defy the numbers game and send them fleeing from the ring.
Orton got some pretty big pops here, and it did look a lot like they were turning him face.
That seems absolutely crazy to me, because he’s probably the best heel the company has, but we’ll see how it develops.
Randy Orton wins by Disqualification.
Segment 3
Sugar Trip
Backstage Cheech (or maybe Chong) is still high on Lucky Charms.
Sitting with Eve, caressing her hair, he says he has a good plan for a Divas Pillow Fight match.
Chong (or possibly Cheech) enters and asks him what the hell he is doing rubbing William Regal’s hair, then chastises him for eating sugar when his doctors told him not to.
Regal leaves and Cheech asks if he can still party with Kelly Kelly. The camera pans back to reveal Chris Masters, who tells him to stop looking at his chest.
Hornswoggle enters and gives them both a box of Charms. The bald one says he’s allergic to marshmellows, but eats one anyway and joins his pal on a Sugar Trip.
God these segments are lamer than usual tonight.
Match 2
Money in the Bank Qualifying Match
Jack Swagger
Vs.
Santino Marella
Question for you; Why does Jack Swagger walk to the ring like he’s wearing a Barney costume? Arms stretched out, bouncing from one foot to the other, beaming grin on his face etc.
Answers on a postcard.
Anyway, anyone who expected Santino to win here is quite frankly delusional.
Swagger put him away in little under a minute, then stood pointing at the WrestleMania sign with a gormless look on his face.
Poor Santino, I still vaguely remember when he had a shred of credibility.
Jacks Swagger wins by Pinfall and Qualifies for The Money in the Bank Match at WrestleMania XXVI.
Segment 4
Cena Confronts The Animal
Cena makes his way to the ring to a big pop and begins to cry about how Vince treated him unfairly at Elimination Chamber and then how Batista made things personal by attacking him last week on Raw.
He says the only silver lining is that he’s going to WrestleMania XXVI as #1 contender for the WWE Championship, but with the big event just 4 weeks away, he feels he should get a little payback on The Animal right now.
Batista eventually makes his way out from behind the curtain, but only after 6 security guards have lined themselves up along the top of the ramp.
The Animal holds his title aloft, while Cena chuckles to himself in the ring.
Cena asks if he is seeing things, or if ‘the big bad Animal’ now rolls with security.
Batista says they aren’t here to protect him, but rather to protect Cena from him, and he should be grateful.
He explains that he did what he did last week because he wants to face Cena at Mania, then goes on to talk about how their careers have followed very similar paths, despite them being nothing alike.
The Animal’s true reasoning finally comes out as he says that while both of them are probably the biggest Superstars to grace the ring since the Attitude Era, Cena was the one that got made the ‘name and face’ of the company, while he had to take a back seat.
He claims that the torch passed directly from Stone Cold Steve Austin to Cena, while he got ignored, so now he plans to beat the hell out of him at Mania to prove that he is the best in the WWE.
Cena trots out the same old ‘I’ve given my life to this business’ lines, then calls Batista selfish for not trying harder and for not being there for the fans.
Batista tells him he is right, he doesn’t care about the fans and he’s not in the WWE for them, he’s here for himself and to win titles.
He tells Cena to carry on kissing babies and hugging fat girls, because he’ll be in the gym getting ready for their match.
He warns Cena that when they get in the ring together bad things happen, then gives Cena’s broken neck as an example.
Finally he tells Cena to carry on ‘barking’ his catchphrases, but deep down they both know that he can’t beat The Animal.
Segment 5
A New Low
Backstage Cheech and Chong are still riding the sugary dragon.
Chavo, Carlito, Primo, Katie Lea and Yoshi Tatsu all joined them dressed as Mexicans and all complained that they didn’t feel comfortable.
Just when you might have reached the stage when you thought this segment couldn’t have gotten any worse, a talking chicken entered the room and told them (in Santino’s voice) that the Divas Pillow fight match is coming up soon.
Match 3
Money in the Bank Qualification Match
Zack Ryder (w/Rosa Mendes)
Vs.
M.V.P
This was yet another squash match, they are obviously trying to cram a lot into tonight’s show.
Rather disappointingly, M.V.P made the cut by picking up the win here with a Playmaker.
Not that I don’t think M.V.P will put on a good show in the Money in the Bank match, but I’d have much rather seen what Ryder is capable of on the big stage.
M.V.P wins by Pinfall and qualifies for the Money in the Bank match at WrestleMania XXVI.
Match 4
Diva Pyjama Pillow Fight Match
Gail Kim
Vs.
Eve
Vs.
Kelly Kelly
Vs.
Maryse
Vs.
Jillian Hall
Vs.
Alicia Fox
Cheech and Chong came to the ring to introduce this epic encounter.
I don’t know if it’s the fact that I haven’t been exposed to enough illegal substances in my years, or whether Cheech and Chong just aren’t that famous over here, but I haven’t really got a clue what they do.
I vaguely remember seeing a DVD or two with their faces on, but beyond that I have to admit I’m clueless and that’s probably why I’m not enjoying anything they have done tonight.
This was about as much of a shambles as I expected it to be, although it was mildly entertaining to see Eve botch a Senton and stamp on Alicia to pick up the win.
After the match Hornswoggle jumped out from under the ring with yet more boxes of cereal (I guess they really want you to go out and buy some WWE Lucky Charms) which ended up getting thrown all over the place, mainly at Michael Cole.
Eve wins by Pinfall.
Segment 6
Brets Farewell Address
After teasing it all night with various clips and footage of him arriving at the arena, Justin Roberts finally begins to introduce Bret Hart.
However, before he can finish his intro, Vince’s music hits and The Boss swaggers his way down to the ring to take over.
McMahon gives him a huge build-up and introduces The Hitman, who hobbles to the ring while yet another video showing him getting hit by a car plays.
Once in the ring Vince asks Bret to clear his name regarding the car accident, but Bret refuses and asks him to leave the ring so he can say his final farewell.
Vince goes to leave, but then turns and says that once Bret called him a World Champion liar, and after thinking about it he came to the conclusion that if you’re going to be a liar, you may as well be a World Champion.
He explains that once again he has ‘Screwed Bret’, as he has no intention of letting him deliver a Farewell Address tonight.
Instead, he goads The Hitman regarding the challenge he laid down for WrestleMania.
Bret says that he is incapacitated but Vince says he’s sure that even and old fossil like him can heal in six weeks.
Hart admits that he’s wanted to fight Vince for 13 years, so The Boss challenges him to a match at WrestleMania, provoking him with stories of Montreal and Stu Hart’s phantom Hall of Fame nomination.
McMahon asks the crowd if they’d like to see it and they pop like crazy, but Bret calls him an idiot and says that he can’t wrestle with a broken leg.
Vince says he’s sorry to hear that and claims that the Hart name used to stand for something, but now it means nothing as The Hitman is a coward. He kicks Bret’s crutch away exits the ring.
However, as he heads up the ramp Bret drags himself to his feet and accepts the challenge, prompting Vince to book himself a warm-up match against John Cena next week.
Hmm, I wonder if Batista will show his face in that one.
Main Event Match
Unified Tag Team Championship Match
ShowMiz (c)
Vs.
DX
Before this match it was announced that Criss Angel will host next week’s show.
For a lot of people in the UK that name won’t mean a thing, and I admit it took me a while to work out where I knew it from.
But then it clicked.
He is an amazingly talented magician and hopefully his segments will be worth watching, unlike the ridiculously poor ones we got this week.
If you want to see some of the amazing things he is capable of, just type his name into Youtube and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Anyway, with only 5 minutes of ‘scheduled programming’ renaming I didn’t expect this match to last too long, and when ShowMiz began to dominate HBK I thought I might be right.
However, he did eventually get the tag to Triple H who began to control things, until The Miz entered the ring as The Game looked to hit Show with a Pedigree.
During the confusion Shawn struck Show with a Sweet Chin, but Triple H couldn’t capitalise after being hit with a Chokeslam moments earlier.
After a double tag Shawn began closing in on the win, but as he began tuning up the band The Undertaker appeared on the titantron.
Although he didn’t say anything, his mere presence distracted Shawn long enough for Miz to roll him up and retain the titles.
After the match Triple H and Shawn (neither had bothered to wear their DX gear for tonight’s match by the way) had a little falling out, and HBK headed up the ramp.
As he reached the top Sheamus appeared in the ring via the crowd and took Triple H out with a Pump Kick, before hitting a second on the outside which sent The Game flying over the announce table.
As the show went off the air Sheamus stood atop the announce desk, looking down on his future WrestleMania opponent.
ShowMiz retain the Unified Tag Team Championships by Pinfall.
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